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Monday, November 30, 2015

I Will Not Apologize For My Dark Skin



As thanksgiving break comes to an end, and the end of 2015 is in the horizons, I wanted to take some time to reflect some things I am grateful for, as they have all contributed to who I am today. As always, I am grateful for my family and close friends who have kept me grounded and have played a part in making me the young women I am today, and are patient with me as I learn and grow into my future self. 
My family specifically has always persistently been a great support system, pushing me to find my best self, and gain full confidence in who I am. Despite a great support system, I’ve had my struggles with self love and self esteem as most of you can probably relate. As I reflect on the many things I am grateful for, I also want to acknowledge how far I have come in my journey in self acceptance.

I grew up in a predominately white area, where I was one of the very few black kids within my school and even more of a rarity within my classes. The setting was place where negative notions on skin color and identity, were first introduced, and now that I reflect on it had a large impact on shaping who I am. As I look back on my childhood, I find it unbelievable that I allowed others to make a mockery of my blackness. Both kids and adults both knowingly and unintentionally made me feel like my skin and ethnic identity was an issue. If you haven’t guessed by now I am black girl (Nigerian American) with a dark complexion.

To other girls I was not pretty. My hair was not long, it was not straight, and coiled up at the slightest sight of moister. It was no secret that my skin was not pale like the other girls, and I did not at this time recognized that my melanin was actually a blessing.

I asked myself, “why am I so dark” or pondered about ways to alter my complexion. I remember commenting to my mother that I was too dark and I wanted to look for a way to make my skin lighter. I used to put perms in my hair in an attempt to make my hair straight, like the other girls. I didn’t appreciate myself fully. I didn’t love myself fully.  My academic surrounding had a greater weight than my loving family. And I consistently carried the weight of false happiness, when I truly wasn’t.

Entering high school, there was the issue being “black” enough. I was soft spoken and shy, which came off negatively to the kids who looked like me. There was constant push to fit into a category, or identify myself   as something specific in order to be “good enough”. So not only was I struggling with being a black female with a dark complexion, but also with peoples perception of what I should be.

All of these things hindered me from growing into a confident young woman.

Being a female “light skin is the best skin”, was term I heard a lot. No one would be interested in you if you were too dark because who wants a dark skinned child? Who wants a nappy-headed child? It gets so bad that even people in my own race will turn their backs because they don’t like something that I couldn’t control. My dark skin wasn’t attractive to others. My hair wasn’t attractive to others. And no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I wished that I wasn’t this was, I couldn’t change it.  At the end of the day, I cannot change who I am and that was the hardest thing to accept.

I wish I had told people that I am proud of my dark skin. I wish I had told people that I am not “acting white”, but am carrying myself in way that would make my parents proud. I wish I had told people that being Nigerian did not make me any less exposed to the ignorant comments of being Black in America. I wish I had told people that my hair isn’t ugly and too nappy, but actually a blessing. All of these things are blessings and I never recognized that until I came to college, even then, I still struggled with it.

​I am now proclaiming that I am a beautiful Nigerian American Dark Skinned Female.

I will not apologize for being Nigerian.

I will not apologize for being a Female.

I will not apologize for being nappy-headed.

I will not apologize for being Dark Skin.

I will not apologize because I’ve been blessed. My melanin skin is a blessing. My hair is a blessing. My body is a blessing. So I will no longer apologize for whom I am, but love myself because I have been blessed and for that I am grateful.


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Friday, November 27, 2015

New Beginnings

A lot has been happening over these past couple of months, and I've failed to keep up with this blog as I hoped to do so. I've decided to start again, and try to be more consistent, especially now that my Senior year has calmed down. Today, I took my sister out to talk her Senior Pictures (which I will post later this weekend), and I decided to take a few shots of what I was wearing. Since I've been saving up a bit a money, I decided to splurge on a few outfits/shoes these past two weeks. I try to dress a bit comfortable when I'm out taking pictures for friends/family, so this is what I decided to wear today.



Top: Forever 21
Pants: H&M
Shoes: Converse
Watch: Fossil 

I'll also have to give a review on my hair because I'm basically in love with it! As far as my outfit goes, I'm a big fan of prints. Any kind of print, you'll probably find in my closet and that's why I reached for this top when I saw it for sale at Forever. I decided to keep it simple with pairing it with my army green pants and white hightop converse for comfort! As always, I got my favorite silver fossil watch (thank you, mom), although it's the battery is currently dead. (I'll get around to fixing it sooner or later lol)

In other news, I've started a new website, with a good friend of mine. It's called "WooManhood". We wanted to create a space where we could give women of different backgrounds the opportunity to post their personal narrative. We felt as though, there aren't enough opportunities for women to come together and be one. I think it's very important to not only be able to identify what I struggle with as being as women, but what others struggle with as well. We want it to become a place where all women and men can uplift one another in all of our beauty and flaws we possess. I'll post more about the site in my next post, but for now, check it out!


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About Me


Hi! My name is Idara and welcome to She Sings Style, a blog full of some of the beautiful things in my life-my family, fashion, projects I'm working on, college experiences, and my journey throughout life. I hope you can find some inspiration here and embark on this journey with me.

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